I haven’t been ready to share this until now, and to be
honest I’m not going to share the entire story with you, not yet. That said, I
am ready to share now that I’ve been experiencing a sexual awakening during my spiritual
awakening and kundalini awakening. I am experiencing an awakening of every part
My sexual awakening and kundalini are intertwined. The
sexual awakening began before the kundalini was initiated. I believe I would
not have experienced the kundalini awakening without the sexual awakening. They
are inextricably linked in my body, mind, and soul.
(Read more about my kundalini awakening here: An Awakening Within an Awakening Part 1 and An Awakening Within an Awakening Part 2)
Recently I learned that it’s not unusual to experience a
sexual awakening or have a sexual or sensual component to an awakening. But I
knew none of this when it started. It felt like I was dreaming the best dreams,
the best daydreams, I’ve ever experienced. Tender, loving, and gentle, the
energy was exactly what I needed. When it started though, I had no idea that’s
what I needed, and I certainly had no idea what I was experiencing.
It started as a normal channeling experience, and
then I felt someone else was there with me and Spirit. I intuitively knew and
called out and into the ether. There was a response. The first time it
happened, I dropped the channel because I was so startled.
Someone else was in the channel, human not Spirit. I could
feel another’s energy. We asked each other how it was possible. We tried to
share names, but it was disallowed. “No identifying information.”, my Spirit
team would whisper. There were rules to these connections.
The other energy and I didn’t really get to know each other.
We were both cautious with our words and with our energy. Or maybe I was
cautious. It’s hard to say. We met again several times over the course of weeks,
and always while I was sitting at my desk.
All of this was taking place within channels. My mind
operates differently when I’m channeling, and I don’t always remember the
details. I always remember how it feels though. And maybe that’s the point for
me and my path. I didn’t understand what was happening, but I trusted that
Spirit was guiding me through whatever I was supposed to experience.
When another channel opened and another connection occurred,
I held on as long as I could. I was curious and wanted to know why this was
happening and how it was happening, but I asked too many questions and the
channel again closed. My curiosity had killed the cat.
Over time I understood that I needed to go with the flow,
appreciate the energy, and to stop asking questions. The questions were
blocking my lessons, blocking my blessings. I learned to relax into the flow.
It began to happen a couple of times a week. I would
be at my desk on the computer when the channel would open. Over time I was able
to hold the channel and stay in the energy longer, stay in the conversation
longer. I began to go with the flow and wherever the energy took me.
I’m not sure exactly when, but at some point, I must have
been getting lost in the energy. Spirit whispered to me, “Open your eyes. This
is real.” I opened my eyes and was sitting alone in my office channeling and
feeling so many new energies.
After meeting with a human energy in the channel, it seemed
to open me up to more connections and more experiences. Over the ensuing
months, I experienced what I now understand to be a sexual awakening.
One night, I was up late and unable to sleep. No
doubt I was watching a movie although I don’t remember which one. I felt the
energy, a channel was opening. I felt the energy approach and we started
talking. “May I?”, he asked. I said, “Yes.”, appreciating my ability to
consent. Then the energy began to hold me. I felt their energy envelop me. I
felt safe and held.
I couldn’t believe what was happening. I tried to stop
thinking so that I could feel everything. Nothing like this had ever happened
before and I wanted to experience it all. Spirit whispered, “Open your eyes.” I
complied and looked around. There was no one there. I was alone on the sofa. I wondered
what I had just experienced. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. At the
time, I could barely journal about it. I didn’t have the words to explain what
I was experiencing.
Since then, I’ve had spiritual experiences that were both
sensual and sexual when I was the only one in the room. I’ve “met” energy
and shared experiences, or at least I think they were shared. It could all have
been my imagination, gifts of my awakening. I call them “illusions”.
It’s through these “illusions” that I learned to experience
my post breast cancer body, sensuality, and sexuality in an entirely new way.
At 55 years of age, I was learning to love myself in a way that I didn’t know
was possible. It was, and is, extraordinary and I’m so very grateful that I get
to experience this level of awakening.
I have been blessed with amazing opportunities to
feel, to experience, to learn and grow within the confines of my safe and
loving body, mind, and soul. I’ve also been blessed to experience many amazing
things on the spiritual plane.
There is so much more that has happened for me. My blessings
have been great and I’m finally able to share this much with you. Give me time.
I do intend to share all of it, but I have a little more healing to before I
can share it all.
Today’s image was made in Canva.