If I Die Tomorrow Does This Matter?
Cancer isn’t my first major health issue. About
15 years ago I had pneumonia that damaged my lungs. I was in a drug induced coma for several days, had surgery to
remove part of my right lung, all while in the hospital for a few weeks. When I
recovered, my perspective on life had changed.
I was reminded that life is short. I learned to prioritize
how I spent my time and energy. When situations became challenging, or when I was
deciding how to spend my time and energy, I would ask the question, “If I die
tomorrow does this (challenge or situation) matter?”
Almost always the answer was “no”, and the thing or
situation would be brought into a fresh perspective. My priorities became
I haven't thought of that question in a long time and I don’t know what made me think of that question on Sunday
night, but it was exactly what I needed. Lately I’ve been in my head and
worried about how I would move forward after cancer. Being in my head wasn’t
Sunday night, I asked this question about the thoughts and
fears that I had about moving forward after cancer. I realized that if I did die
tomorrow, being in my head and living in fear didn’t matter.
In that moment, the thoughts faded, and the fears melted
away. I found perspective on the thoughts in my mind. I found balance in that
question and balance on this cancer journey.
Yay! Radiation Therapy!
I have done it! I was finally able to get into the position
required to be mapped for radiation treatment. It may not sound exciting, but
for me it means that my treatment moves forward. Progress.
It’s something that I’ve been working towards for weeks and
I am so happy that this phase of my treatment can move forward. It was a relief
and a weird experience.
To do my mapping, they used a CT scan. The CT machine looked
like a 7-foot-high grey plastic doughnut with a two-foot-high General Electric
logo on the side. It was weird, but there was no pain. As I was pushed through
the doughnut hole there were red lights, whirring noises, and a lot of lying very
still in an uncomfortable position.
Beside getting my mapping done, the best part was the warmed
blanket that the technician brought me. The room was chilly!
A little rest before radiation therapy begins.
Between meditation teacher training, physical therapy,
radiology prep, and doctor’s appointments, I’ve been exhausted. Some days, I
feel completely depleted emotionally and physically. Last week meditation
teacher training completed. I’ve got until January 2022, to get certified, but
for now I’m going to rest. I’m going to enjoy a quiet week.
A “dry run”.
This coming week, along with physical therapy, I have
another appointment to have a “dry run” of my radiation therapy. I will get to
practice and experience it before I get on the schedule. I appreciate being
able to see what it will be like, and I didn’t understand the importance until
the radiation therapist described the precision of the machines.
I will be having external beam radiation. (Click here to learn more.) The radiation oncologist inputs my mapping into the radiation
machine. The machine allows one
millimeter of variance outside of my mapping. More than one millimeter variance
and the machine shuts down. The safety is appreciated, and so is the practice
Planning my escape!
Okay, I’m not actually escaping anything, but I am looking
forward to taking some time for myself after radiation treatments. My hope is
to find a cabin in the woods, near a body of water, so I can rest, recover, and
recharge my batteries.
Do my Colorado based readers have any recommendations for
cabins near Denver?
Lessons of the Week.
When things get challenging, find clarity in a question.
Whether it’s “If I die tomorrow…”, or a question that you created for yourself,
have a question to help you with finding clarity, balance, or perspective in
What question helps you find clarity?
Diving time is perfect. It sometimes feels like
trying something over and over and not quite getting it right, but then one day
it works, and the timing is perfect. We can be rejected, paused, re-routed or
delayed, and it’s all in divine timing. The Universe, God, Source, Spirit,
however you choose to say it, always works to our advantage. Divine timing is
Can you remember a time when you were rejected, paused,
re-routed, or delayed, but it worked out in your favor?
Sometimes breakthroughs feel like breakdowns. Growth
is painful and new insights sometimes come the hard way. It feels like I’ve been
writing for weeks about my energy feeling off. I even sought spiritual healing
to help with my low vibration. In hindsight, it was
all growth. I just couldn’t see it when I was in it. But then, I found clarity
in a question.
It’s okay if we’re not feeling like ourselves, or if we’re
in our heads. Be gentle, it may be a growth opportunity. Are you feeling it?
Be well dear reader,