My Most Authentic and Vulnerable Post Ever

My hands on my chest in gratitude.

One of the values I hold most dear is authenticity. I strive to be the truest form of myself every single day. And still there are things that are hard for me to reveal about myself. Now is the time to get real and write about the challenges that have been looming overhead for a while now.

I’m broke and about to be evicted from my apartment.

My spiritual awakening began as a sincere desire to change my life. I thought that my path to do that was to change my career. I set out to become a life coach. I trained and opened a business, but few clients came. Well, one paying client came. The rest were pro bono.

Then I was diagnosed with cancer, and I reluctantly closed my business to focus on my recovery. In time, I recovered, and I began to form a new plan to serve clients again. This time, I wanted to serve in a more spiritual capacity.

I announced that I would serve clients as a spiritual consultant. I wanted to help people navigate their spiritual paths with all the experience I had gained during my own spiritual journey. Perhaps the energy was off, I’m not sure what happened. No clients came. Zero clients. No one even reached out to inquire about my services.

So now, I have a little clarity. My path and the life I’ve been manifesting doesn’t align with my physical reality. I want to serve the collective in a spiritual capacity, but I have generated almost no income for many years. I’m terrified of what the next few weeks hold for me. I have less than $100 in my bank account, and I have never been more scared.

I wrote a different blog for today, an update on my spiritual path, but this has come to the forefront of my awareness. I seem to have been guided to write this blog post, which is also authentic, but in a different way. This one feels like my raw, unfiltered life. This post is about my personal life, not just my spiritual life.

Maybe spirit is trying to get me out of my comfort zone. Maybe spirit is saying if you want to be authentic, you must tell the whole story. Well, the whole story is that maintaining a career or changing a career during spiritual awakening and cancer is a challenge that I could not meet.

I can write about spirituality, but to be open and raw about my personal life was something I wasn’t able to do. Until now.

I have no idea what’s going to happen to me in the coming weeks. Eviction is a clear possibility and I have nowhere to go, nowhere else to live, no one to stay with, or live with. I pray for the resources to live. Renewal for my website is coming in April. I pray for the resources to keep it up and running.

So, why not go out and get a job, any job? I would except my health has been poor as of late. After cancer I’m not able to do what I used to. And, to add insult to injury, I tripped and fell recently and am barely able to walk. I am healing, but perhaps not soon enough.

You see, spirit and the universe are testing me to be authentically me, and to ask for help when I need it. What else could it be? I guess it could be my karma, but I feel that I’ve put so much love into the world throughout my life that I find that hard to believe. And yet, here I am. I must accept the current situation even if I never imagined it happening this way.

If my blog has meant anything to you, I ask you for a small donation to help me through these challenges that I am experiencing now. If that’s not possible for you, I fully understand and ask you to pray for me.

[UPDATED March 6, 2024 - The link and QR code for donations have been removed. I am so very grateful to all who have donated. It has helped financially and spiritually. It has allowed me to move through an important cycle of growth in my spiritual awakening and have my basic needs met. Again, I am grateful.]

Find me on PayPal: link to donation page for Nikki DeForest  or I've added a QR code below.

I am truly grateful for the many times you came to read my blog.

I am truly grateful for the spiritual path that I’ve experienced these many years.

I am truly grateful for your prayers and donations.

I am truly grateful you’re here. I love you.

Be well, beautiful soul,