I Gotta Have Faith

I have learned about faith. Or, maybe it’s more accurate to say, that I have learned to have faith. My spiritual awakening has brought me so much growth. In that, trust and faith have been a major theme. I have learned to trust and have faith in myself as much as I have learned to have trust and faith in Spirit.

When I was young, I was taken to church. Whether it was the church my family went to when I was very young, or the catholic churches with friends, I never understood what drove people there. I didn’t understand why I had to dress up or why they passed baskets to collect money. I didn’t know why people chose to spend their time in places with uncomfortable pews listening to someone drone on. I didn’t understand what was going on. And I certainly didn’t understand their faith.

There was a time after my first marriage ended, when I found a multi-denominational church. It was the kind of church where people wore jeans and celebrated many faiths. It was then that I began to understand the comfort of the ritual. Gathering at a scheduled time with others, appreciating the traditions of faith, it was a comfort. But I still didn’t understand faith. And, after a while, I stopped attending that church.

It's only now, years into a truly profound and magical spiritual awakening, that I am beginning to understand. I developed trust in myself first. It was then that I was able to trust and have faith in universal energies. It may not fit other’s definitions of trust and faith, it is of my own creation. Or, more accurately, it is co-created with Spirit.

My faith isn’t based on others’ experiences, belief systems, or traditions. It didn’t come out of a book. My faith was created, learned, and grown from my own experiences with Spirit and the universal energies. I believe my awakening has happened in a form of isolation for a purpose, to develop trust and faith, in my way and in my time.

My trust and faith were meant to be made this way. It is all in Divine and perfect order. That’s what I remind myself of when my faith falters. And it does falter, mostly when I’m in my head and overthinking. I’m human, that’s what our brains do sometimes. Then I remember to affirm faith. I know that what is meant for me will always find me. I affirm that I am in Divine and perfect timing. I affirm as often as I feel the need or am inspired to.

Back when my head was spinning with unhelpful and negative thought loops, there was no room for trust and faith. My intrusive thoughts kept me doubting and fearful. It was only after I was able to find freedom from overthinking and peace within myself that I was able to find faith. And, of course, that is much easier to see in hindsight. It’s also much easier to say than do, but it is possible. I know it is because I’ve done it.

Once I began to develop inner peace, my inner divinity was able to grow. I believe that we are all divine beings, souls here to have a human experience. I’m not sure why that is, but it probably has something to do with how our life experiences can change, grow, and evolve us and our souls.

We aren’t meant to suffer through our experiences for our entire lives. We are meant to grow from them. I was meant to grow from my experiences, but maybe that’s not everyone’s path. I know those of us who have suffered deeply and experienced things that were not chosen by us, don’t’ like to hear that. I know I didn’t. But to be clear, I honor your experience and acknowledge your path exactly as it is.

I believe that we grow the most through our traumas, and that many of us are not in a place where we can grow through them.

Maybe our soul is here to experience the trauma so that in another incarnation they know how to grow from it. Maybe that’s how humanity grows, painfully and slowly, through our human and soul experiences. It’s only in hindsight, after boat loads of inner work, and forgiving myself, that I can make peace with the pain that I experienced. That’s how I’ve grown, and I know that’s not everyone’s path. But maybe that’s our potential.

And that’s where my trust and faith come in. No matter what happens for me now, I know that I can trust myself to make decisions that are from a healed place. I have faith in myself to listen to that part of me that is called “higher” and to move forward in a way that benefits me and is healthy for me. I trust this higher version of myself to move forward in life to each my soul’s potential.

After years of being loved, supported, protected, and guided through that process of healing I have found faith. I have found faith in the flow of my life. I trust and have faith in my spiritual practices. I am now able to surrender to spirit and allow myself to be guided forward.

I can now surrender to receive from an abundant and generous universe. I trust myself to be guided forward by my intuition. I have faith that good things have and will continue to happen for me. I choose to believe, even after all of life’s challenges, that my trust and faith will guide me forward. I have faith in Spirit. And, in the words of George Michael, I gotta have faith.

The iris represents faith and hope. It is well past iris season, so I found this image in Canva.

I’m grateful you’re here and I love you.

Be well,

Nikki