Finding Peace in the Storm of Life

For weeks now, in between cycles of healing and growth, I’ve noticed a change. There were times when my energy felt flat. Or maybe it’s better described as blank. I felt blank.

At first it was weird. Feeling nothing. Then I realized that I was non-reactive. My healing had reached a point that I no longer felt or reacted to what used to inspire strong emotions. 

When I noticed the change, and noticed this blank non-reactive state, I began a gentle investigation. I checked in and asked my soul, my intuition, what it was. 

The answer didn’t come immediately. Which meant it was something I needed to discover for myself. I let it go and trusted the answer would come to me. And then I forgot about it. 

Days later, maybe longer, I realized that the flat, non-reactive feeling was inner peace. And a few days after that, maybe longer, I realized that it has become my default state of being. 

Which all means that much of my time these days is spent feeling completely at peace regardless of my situation or what is happening around me. 

The interesting part of it for me is that it was so new to me that I wasn’t able to identify it at first. For all the healing and growth I’d been doing, inner peace felt strange and new. 

Most of my life had been spent in a state of anxiety, or hyper-vigilance. The effects of trauma and abuse had changed me.  I had been covered in shadow. My light dulled and dimmed. I was a version of myself, but not my authentic self.

Now I see a new more authentic version of myself emerging. Not “blank”, but calm and peaceful. Healed and at peace with who I am and where I am at this point in my life. I am non-reactive in a world and situation that feeds on reactivity. 

I am at peace. Even though I still move through cycles of healing, I return to inner peace. Most of my time is spent at peace. It is now my default vibration.

There are moments when I am at peace and watching life swirl and rage around me. It’s almost like life has slowed down for me and I watch it happening without losing myself in it. My inner peace remains intact and I am the observer of it all. I observe from a place of peace.

Early in my spiritual awakening, I remember asking for inner peace. It was one of my personal goals and something that I had lost track of throughout my years of awakening, healing, and growth. 

It all happened so naturally and over the years. I lost sight of the end goal, but stayed focused on my path. Even when it became more challenging than I thought I could endure, I focused on my path of healing.

With the goal forgotten, the journey became the most important part. I can’t say that I enjoyed the journey. This year especially, there were moments when I wasn’t sure I could survive what I was being guided to heal.

Now, this feeling of inner peace, non-reactivity, and a real sense of myself makes the worst of times worth it. All of it. The years of dredging up every trauma and all the limiting beliefs, was worth the inner peace I am experiencing now..

Watching my life crumble around me to find my peace was worth it. The old version of my life had to be deconstructed to welcome inner peace. I get it now. And even better, I appreciate it. 

I am at peace. I know now that I will never be the same again. I can never go back to who I was. The old versions of me no longer exist. I’ve healed and am beyond the point of no return. 

A calm mind has replaced the illusions I once held. A healthy detachment has replaced unhealthy attachments. Ease with the unknown has replaced expectations. It was all a result of intention and inner work. The outcome is a new version of me.

This new version of me walks through the world at peace. I am informed and aware of current events. I still experience all my emotions. The storm of life rages all around me. I see it and observe it, but I am not the storm. I am at peace in the storm of life.

There are parts of this version of me that I am still learning about. My life is still in a state of deconstruction though I feel ready to rebuild. And inner peace feels like a very good starting point.

If your goal is inner peace, keep going. Continue your path of healing and growing until peace comes naturally. And then enjoy being at peace in a world that thrives on chaos.

Connection and Gratitude. 

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I’m grateful you’re here. I love you. 

May you find the inner peace you seek,

Nikki